I am very concerned with the way Humpty Dumpty is now perceived in the western world.
According to the Oxford Dictionary the term “humpty dumpty” referred to a drink of brandy boiled with ale in the seventeenth century, also “humpty dumpty” was apparently eighteenth-century slang for a short and clumsy person.
You see the rhyme was published in 1810 in a version of Gammer Gurton’s Garlandas and went like this:
Humpty Dumpty sate on a wall, Humpti Dumpti had a great fall; Threescore men and threescore more, Cannot place Humpty dumpty as he was before.
Now we seriously need to ask ourselves an important question, you see from the above information and the original text do you see any reference to our friend Humpty being an egg? Is their even the faintest hint that Humpti was endowed with a shell at all? Well I must answer for you if you have not yet and say No, there is not!
I have taken the liberty to furnish you with a poem I wrote on this very matter:
i have sipped from the fountain of youth, and it is a bitter taste
i have licked the very spoon that the demon used to eat its oats
oh humpty , née dumpti ,
wherefore art thou confused with the unfertilized offspring of the common chicken
it is too lowly for you, jump back up the wall and fall thee not in the eyes of man no more
Now let me let the cat out the bag:
Humpty is NOT an egg!
He never was an egg, he doesn’t even like eggs! Eggs remind him of his stature and weight! And now that ‘they’ made him an egg, he hates them even more!
And just who are the ‘they’ in this case. Who made Humpty into an egg?
The government ! that’s who . Now I hear that little brain of yours flickering away and asking just why do I say the government. Just what have the government got against eggs? What possible reason could a common MP have to despise our ovular shelled buddies?
Well the answer is as clear as a monkey hair on a Wednesday!
Politicians have been known to talk out of their posterior regions, if you know what I mean. That is they talk crap. Now a lessor known ‘fact’ is that prior to Humpty’s depiction as an egg around 1810, when a politician would talk crap, he was pelted with none other than EGGS. And after 1810 , this miraculously stopped and our feathered statesmen could rattle of any pish posh they pleased with no fear of egg throwing.
Somehow equating Humpty to the common house egg freed up the government from coming out egg faced.
But why Humpty ? Have they no heart? And just who is the real Humpty?
Well I think it is this man, Creppy Nadelspon, a bean salesman from the late 17 Century :
Now really, need I say more without embarrassing at least one of us?
I can only hope that we may see some eggs flying around at the next election!