The words that follow are not for kids. Trust me. So if you are huddled up with your 8 year old and a warm cup of cocoa about to read this – Stop!
The subject of my choosing this fine day needs to be introduced very carefully , and let me just say this right now : Anything that you are about to read does not necessarily apply to me!
Ohhh, if only I could say this topic was as joyous as those sweet snuggling bananas.
You see what I need to ask you seriously is this:-
ARE YOU A NIGHT RIDER?
Holy tortoise, just look at David’s luscious but tortuous bouffant – apparently it took 3 hairdressers about 6 hours of intense curling and blow flicking to get it just the way David likes it. But I do digress , don’t I ?. One might say I am actually avoiding the point.
And what is the point ? In fact what is a night rider? Ahhh , yes a night rider indeed.
Ok, without being too long-winded, here is a brief but somewhat detailed description of the elusive night rider. Sleep is a funny thing really, we enter into the realm of dreams and subconscious reality. Sleep has its own rules and morals. Let me explain , if I were sleeping next to you and my leg accidentally and involuntarily jerked out and kicked you hard, could you hold me accountable? No, of course not.
When I sleep, my actions are not my own , they belong to another place , maybe even another country , my jerks and movements are triggers from a deeper place , a place where nerves and muscles are not bound by the constraints of human egotistical thought.
And this really brings me to the crux of the nightrider! That glowing black modified 1982 Pontiac Trans Am car with a red beam in front that David Hasselhoff handled with almost Gay abandon in the slightly dated show ‘ Knight rider’ does not even vaguely compare to the actual experience of real night riding if only one could actually remember that experience that is.
I will now unfortunately have to loosely explain it – and I will use the most base of images to do so even though it is just for thoroughness and does not actually truly encompass the real complexity of what night riding really is. It is like this : you know when a dog sort of humps your leg? Well I guess that is kind of like the night rider….
The night rider moves slowly but confidently towards its prey, that being the sleeper next to it. The night rider has no conscience and no remorse. The night rider will first appear harmless, he will spoon , but soon the spoon will turn to a snuggle and soon the snuggle to a nuzzle. At this point the riding (humping) will begin and can only be stopped by the victim waking up and forcible removing the night rider by a push or in more extreme cases, a kick.
So the question is asked yet again :
ARE YOU A NIGHT RIDER?
Now be honest…..