Are you a night rider?

The words that follow are not for kids. Trust me. So if you are huddled up with your 8 year old and a warm cup of cocoa about to read this – Stop!

The subject of my choosing this fine day needs to be introduced very carefully , and let me just say this right now : Anything that you are about to read does not necessarily apply to me!

My first clue is this picture:

Ohhh, if only I could say this topic was as joyous as those sweet snuggling bananas.

You see what I need to ask you seriously is this:-

                                                     ARE YOU A NIGHT RIDER?

Holy tortoise, just look at David’s luscious but tortuous bouffant – apparently it took 3 hairdressers about 6 hours of intense curling and blow flicking to get it just the way David likes it. But I do digress , don’t I ?. One might say I am actually avoiding the point.

And what is the point ? In fact what is a night rider? Ahhh , yes a night rider indeed.

Ok, without being too long-winded, here is a brief but somewhat detailed description of the elusive night rider. Sleep is a funny thing really, we enter into the realm of dreams and subconscious reality. Sleep has its own rules and morals. Let me explain , if I were sleeping next to you and my leg accidentally and involuntarily jerked out and kicked you hard, could you hold me accountable? No, of course not.

When I sleep, my actions are not my own , they belong to another place , maybe even another country , my jerks and movements are triggers from a deeper place , a place where nerves and muscles are not bound by the constraints of human egotistical thought.

And this really brings me to the crux of the nightrider! That glowing black modified 1982 Pontiac Trans Am car with a red beam in front that David Hasselhoff handled with almost Gay abandon in the slightly dated show ‘ Knight rider’ does not even vaguely compare to the actual experience of real night riding if only one could actually remember that experience that is.

I will now unfortunately have to loosely explain it – and I will use the most base of images to do so even though it is just for thoroughness and does not actually truly encompass the real complexity of what night riding really is. It is like this : you know when a dog sort of humps your leg? Well I guess that is kind of like the night rider….

The night rider moves slowly but confidently towards its prey, that being the sleeper next to it. The night rider has no conscience and no remorse. The night rider will first appear harmless, he will spoon , but soon the spoon will turn to a snuggle and soon the snuggle to a nuzzle. At this point the riding (humping) will begin and can only be stopped by the victim waking up and forcible removing the night rider by a push or in more extreme cases, a kick.

So the question is asked yet again :

ARE YOU A NIGHT RIDER?

Now be honest…..

Fazza

The anatomy of a cartoon.

I have a confession to make. The title was made to bring you here and read this . I will not be actually dissecting the cartoon as advertised. I will still be talking about cartoons though but not in the anatomical sense of the word. And more so about the comic strip.

There are those rare comic strips that don’t need words at all, like the adjacent onehere. Clearly the implied joke here is that the 2 boys have come to the field without discussing what they are going to play first. A rather dull joke but somewhat witty none the less.

 

I have taken the liberty to add in my own catch line :

Mmmm. also not so great, I guess that’s why I am a musician.

Anyhow , comic strips are an interesting link to our child side – they are the cartoons of the adult. They appeal to the funny as well as to the sophisticated parts within us.

Like for example the following :

Great toon this- also the expression on the smokers face in the 2nd panel allures to something a little more sinister , that just maybe he wished for the demise of our irritating friend. And in the comic world this is all too possible,or as Mr R kelly put it:

I believe I can fly

 

Of course you can fly Mr. Kelly, you have access to some of the most expensive hallucinogenics that hard-earned cash can buy. The rest of us will just have to live our fantasies through good old fashion comic strips!

And now for the grande finale- I have written a comic strip,  a very humble drawing I might add, but there is a bigger concern for me with regards this particular piece. You see no one I have shown it to has ‘gotten’ the joke unless I explain it to them. So what I’m going to do is this: I will present the strip now, if you get it without explanation , you have a deep and complex sense of humour and I like you. If you don’t get it, be not dismayed for I have a brief explanation at the bottom of the page, and I just don’t think we should try be friends, unless we already are . Well, here it goes:

Nu? so? did you get it?????

If not here is an explanation: When someone breaks up with a partner, usually a good friend will say ” Forget about her, there are lots of fish in the ocean” Now what happens when fish break up- ahhhh- now you get it…..

Ok, that concludes this anatomy lesson and I would like to end off with a friend of mine’s comic strip- as he is a real comic guy . Thumbs up Nim, Enjoy:

Fazza

The shape of our times.

I would like to propose to you a theory.

For some reason that is certainly beyond me, we as a people like to think of ourselves as living in the worst time in all history. Now it is true that through the wonderous world of media , we are exposed to just about every crazy,wild, distorted little thing that goes on around this spinning globe. And yes, there are more people than ever doing these mad things. And therefore it does look pretty rough.

I am not going to get into the hairy details of just how messed up our times are, as much as I am sure you would like me to. I am rather going to explain my theory. By the way , I think everyone should have at least one theory to bounce around. Just a little philosophical gabble that one keeps on hand and pulls out at drinks parties and awkward meeting in long bank queues.

So, is this in fact the worst time in history? To answer this question properly , we need to look at the state of man’s ethical and conscious existence before we look at the state of the physical planet. Now here I think it is fairly obvious that man has had a rather dodgy past and that in general we have been a bunch of war mongering, child sacrificing, genociding, world manipulating , power tripping, land grabbing schmohawks!

Or as Micheal Jackson put it :

If they say, Why, why,

tell ’em that it’s human nature

Now I don’t usually look to Mr. Jackson to enlighten me on the worlds existential crisis but I feel he makes a strong point here. It seems that as a rule, man as a group displays certain natural traits which are not always angelic in their nature. And certainly these traits are seen in our history. And we certainly see them in our times, so what makes us think that these are the ‘worst’ times? Bulk, that’s what! BULK! Bulk like a supersize me burger from Miccie D’s- Bulk like an ocean of plastic known as the The great Plastic Vortex .

Ok, so now that that’s out the way and we can all freak the f&*k out for a while, lets try move right along.

So what I am trying to say is that we are now doing stuff on a massive scale! Bombs are frikkin big, etc,etc.. Why?

Here we reach the so called nub of my theory, the why! and why indeed? Why are things so big and globally devastating now? Is it because we are the worst people we have ever been, the worst monsters we have ever seen? I say NO! It’s precisely the opposite. We are in fact the best ‘people’ we have ever been. We are the most conscious and evolved in our ethical, moral, liberal, political spheres than we have ever been and therefore we have the best opportunity to shape our times the way we would like them to be. The planet has upped the game though and we need to step up and start living in this world the way we know is possible.

It’s all out in the open now, soon you won’t be able to fart without their being a webcam and a facebook update on your accidental flatulence.

We know what is going on and we know what is right and that is a good combo!

Fazza

Be yourself!

“Be yourself, because everyone else is taken”

It is words like these that lead me to believe I may be prone to large amounts of violence. And you may ask me why. The answer is more simply felt than expressed, but I will endeavour to tell you anyway.

Really it is a harmless beautiful statement, is it not? And shouldn’t we all just be ourselves anyway ?

Firstly I would like to offer up a problem with the statement ‘ because everyone else is taken’ . I would venture to say that this is just not true ! Not everyone else is taken. Let me explain, I am sure you have heard the expression ‘He is half the man he used to be’. Well, here we go, this man who is only half the man he used to be is clearly not fully taken , he is in fact only half taken and the other half is available for anyone else to take – and in so doing they are not themselves anymore but half the other man who is only half himself as well!

And another thing, schizophrenia, yes we have all heard of that strange condition known as multiple personality disorder (MPD) where someone can literally switch personalities. Here too is a case where if the person was not using a personality, then it would not be ‘taken’ and it would be up for grabs. Here I will use an example as an example:

Lets say we have Ralph who suffers from MPD – now Ralph has 2 other personas, Suzie and Mpho. He also has a good friend Jill who sadly also suffers from MPD, she too has 2 other personas, Guido and Fluffy. Are you with me?

Now lets say Ralph is going through a phase where he thinks he is Suzie, then Ralph would be free, right? Now if Jill is Fluffy, then Guido, who is free, can take Mpho , who is also free , and Jill can then take Ralph who is Suzie and a complete swop could happen if Fluffy reverts to Jill but tries on Mpho for a while, while Ralph is going through a self realisation phase as himself but yet only half the man he used to be.

This example proves very clearly that not everyone else is in fact taken. And therefore this is not a good reason to be yourself.

Now lets take a look at being one’s self. It’s not that great really is it. A bit boring I might even say. Years and years really just being the same person. No self-respecting MPD patient would stick to one personality for more than a couple of months. But look at us, trudging along as the same dude ( or dudette) day in day out. It gets a bit much.

Do not get me wrong, I don’t propose that we start a ‘ hug the local schizo’ fan club. But what I am wanting you to consider is that when the urge calls you, when that bug starts to bite, when the inch is too strong and you feel you really must say to someone the following phrase :

“Be yourself, because everyone else is taken”

Please consider deeply the words you are using and rather say something like this :

” I have a deep need to pop-psychologise you but I will spare you that and rather say – Hi , How you doing today? “

Fazza

The misconception of humpty dumpty.

I am very concerned with the way Humpty Dumpty is now perceived in the western world.

According to the Oxford Dictionary the term “humpty dumpty” referred to a drink of brandy boiled with ale in the seventeenth century, also “humpty dumpty” was apparently eighteenth-century slang for a short and clumsy person.

You see the rhyme was published in 1810 in a version of Gammer Gurton’s Garlandas and went like this:

 

Humpty Dumpty sate on a wall, Humpti Dumpti  had a great fall; Threescore men and threescore more, Cannot place Humpty dumpty as he was before.

Now we seriously need to ask ourselves an important question, you see from the above information and the original text do you see any reference to our friend Humpty being an egg? Is their even the faintest hint that Humpti was endowed with a shell at all? Well I must answer for you if you have not yet and say No, there is not!

I have taken the liberty to furnish you with a poem I wrote on this very matter:

i have sipped from the fountain of youth, and it is a bitter taste

i have licked the very spoon that the demon used to eat its oats

oh humpty , née dumpti ,

wherefore art thou confused with the unfertilized offspring of the common chicken

it is too lowly for you, jump back up the wall  and fall thee not in the eyes of man no more

Now let me let the cat out the bag:

Humpty is NOT an egg!

He never was an egg, he doesn’t even like eggs! Eggs remind him of his stature and weight! And now that ‘they’ made him an egg, he hates them even more!

And just who are the ‘they’ in this case. Who made Humpty into an egg?

The government ! that’s who . Now I hear that little brain of yours flickering away and asking just why do I say the government. Just what have the government got against eggs? What possible reason could a common MP have to despise our ovular shelled buddies?

Well the answer is as clear as a monkey hair on a Wednesday!

Politicians have been known to talk out of their posterior regions, if you know what I mean. That is they talk crap. Now a lessor known ‘fact’ is that prior to Humpty’s depiction as an egg around 1810, when a politician would talk crap, he was pelted with none other than EGGS. And after 1810 , this miraculously stopped and our feathered statesmen could rattle of any pish posh they pleased with no fear of egg throwing.

Somehow equating Humpty to the common house egg freed up the government from coming out egg faced.

 

 

But why Humpty ? Have they no heart? And just who is the real Humpty?

Well I think it is this man, Creppy Nadelspon, a bean salesman from the late 17 Century :

Now really, need I say more without embarrassing at least one of us?

I can only hope that we may see some eggs flying around at the next election!

 

Fazza

Abstract George

I am a man decidedly rooted in the abstract. I live more comfortably in the realm of concepts and analogy than in our so-called reality.

I find a simple trip to the bank to be much stranger than imagining a naked chicken twirling its way through a black hole on a quest to find a cosmic turkey it has fallen in love with.

I prefer poetry to polygamy. Whatever the hell that means.

I prefer driving in the rain with no wipers, as the water creates a mottled landscape on the windscreen that seems clearer to me than the road ahead.

The fact is that since a rather young age – reality actually scared the hell out of me. An afternoon at the mall could easily be equated with one of those brain operations where they keep you awake and ask you questions while they prod certain spots on your noggin.

And don’t get me started on confrontation.

The abstract man or rather let me call him Abstract George after that cute monkey guy Curios George, any way the Abstract George does not take well to confrontation. You see confronting a person means that one has to accept and concretise reality in a very real way. One has to be very clear on what the real situation is and then confront it head on. This is by far the most anxiety provoking and scariest task of the Abstractor.

I am far more comfortable in a world where metaphor is the holy grail.

Even on an emotional level, I can conceptualise and construct the emotion that seems to fit a certain situation, but ask me to define my feeling at this moment and I will draw a blank.

And is it not the world of the artist that does love this non-real space ? Yes, in this world , those that disconnect are then most connected. And here is where I let my proverbial hair down, because those that know me will testify that my hair is very proverbial. Here is where my lyrics meet my stretchy thoughts. And the best example is in our song called ‘Blue’ – check it out : http://www.btraqband.com/

Fazza

 

 

Are we braindead?

Are we braindead?

Probably.

But the real question is should we be braindead?

And I answer the same again:

Probably.

Have I sparked an interest in that grey world we call the mind?

You see I have a theory- in fact it’s mostly not even mine- but I have it anyway and it goes a little something like this.

‘”But we’re never gonna survive, unless We get a little crazy …” These are the complexed words that Seal sang in that effervescent song ‘Crazy’ . But just what did he mean? I decided not to ask him as I believe people with excessive scarring should not be consulted on intellectual matters. But that’s just my craziness , isn’t it?

Seal was alluding to or I dare even say connecting to a rather deep psychological, physiological and emotionalogical (BTW that’s my word) concept that sanity is not all it is cracked up to be. Let me elaborate on this a little- the sanity of pure reason i.e. reason that is based solely on knowledge and principles is highly problematic. If we think only with our brains we are in deep kaka!!

So when these ‘pop’ songs ask us to enter into the realm of craziness , what they are really saying is make yourself a little braindead and then you can become more heart and body alive!

You see , feelings are a type of intelligence, body feelings, heart feelings. Hearing a drum resonate through your gut and connecting to it is an experience of wisdom. And so is communing with your emotions. But most times the mind needs to step back a bit so the other voices inside can be heard. Yes, we need to become a little braindead, a little crazy.

I grew up as the prodigal descendant of the Eastern European Jewish Male – a strange beast that’s chief response to emotions is to shut off and run away! I was taught many techniques in the absolute avoidance of real feelings and the ultimate lauding of the mind and its aberrant ways. I used to think crying was only done around onions and that ignoring an emotional problem is the only legitimate alternative.

Boy, was I wrong. Or rather- Man, was I wrong! I have started emerging from that heady shell like a hermit crab that realises its time to make some friends. And it’s not easy! The heart is a vulnerable space , the body is a scary one- but that is where life really lies.

On paper , the world is largely stuffed, but in the heart it is vibrating and transforming all the time- that is where I want to be and that is where I’m headed. Wanna come along?